Monday Musings (on a Tuesday)

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

DSC_0097 (2) Do you ever get overwhelmed? That kind that is so inexplicably thick and tight it feels hard to breathe? I actually didn't know it at the time but it was serious anxiety that was occurring.

By chance, my flatmate took me to yoga last week.  I ranted off a list of excuses and she countered every one with it being the exact reason I should go.  Never having been prior and never quite the type to do that sort of thing (calming my mind, contorting into various poses- not really my strong suit) (for the record, I can barely touch my toes) but I am a firm believer in signs and that day I went along.  And that particular day, it worked.

But this is not a post about yoga, nor is it a post about the fact that after class I could actually touch my toes (winning!) but instead one about frustrations, fears and anxiety.  If you know me,  you are familiar with my robust positivity but lately, it's been tough.  If I am honest, this 'funk' has really been ongoing and intermittent for a few years if not more.  The arrow of which points towards some deep issues from growing up that I have never quite addressed (isn't it always the thing?).  It is a scary thing to write out here, because of course it allows itself open for mis-interpretation, but it is important that I write it.  For me.  For you dear friends.
DSC_0098 (1) This world online lends itself to different voices, all of us looking for one that connects.  One to relate to, one to inspire to.  One to just say it's tough being an adult sometimes.  It is.

I am struggling.  I cried a lot this weekend.  That same yoga day, rehashing all of my non-productivity, my flatmate simply said ''what if you start thinking that this is enough right now?''.  Enough to have attended a class.  Enough to have just finished one element of a work load.  Her point- give yourself a break, be kind to yourself.  Funnily enough,  Linn said the same not too long ago.  A reminder to pay attention.

I struggle with this concept a lot.  Growing up with expectations and goals and the potential to always be more- enough was never a word in the equation.

So today, I am learning to welcome it.  I am a confusion of so many things right now during this period, but today- I am enough.  It feels good to say it.

ps. This is also a great reminder.

6 comments:

  1. pps I love your blog, keep it up!

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    1. Aw, thank you Katherine! So encouraging when I read comments like this :)

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  2. "Interrupt anxiety with gratitude". That's sooo reassuring, isn't it? I really think there is a huge ideal of always trying your best, trying to do better in every aspect of one's life. But there's a line there, I think, between healthy aspirations, and actually over-exerting yourself and missing out on life. So tough to toe that line, though! And gosh, yoga. I've been so stressed and go-go these few years that I just can't find the patience needed to breathe and hold any pose! Working on it though, breath by breath.

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    1. I do really like that quote! A great reminder. And yes, completely agree with your comments. I think I'm growing to realise that balance on any given day is a changeable point of reference. Definitely not a fixed point in a life! We all do the best we can , don't we? And yoga- if you asked me two years ago or even six months ago, I would have said the same thing. It's just the right thing for me at this present moment in time...definitely not for everyone lady! ;) But I hope you keep going with it to see if it helps you right now in your present or at least you find some peaceful outlet that works right for you. Sending lots of love your way x

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  3. I think I told you of the quote "life starts outside the comfort zone", so if it sounds scary, it's probably worth doing. And as for me if you put something in writing, it actually makes you feel better. You kind of take a part of scariness from the thing you are writing about.
    You know I'm obsessed with The lively show podcast. I listened to the latest episode today while running (yay, although that was second time only since we met). The interview is with the author of Good life project and he is behind the theory of three baskets.
    I think you will like this interview, he talks about why it’s okay and even exciting to not have it all figured out. Why when doing things we should not focus on outcome, but rather enjoy what we are learning through it. How meditation (and probably yoga as well) is a way of learning to let go. And much more.
    Have a great weekend Rincy x

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  4. Oh Rincy...I hear you loud and clear, we often judge ourselves by how much we do/achieve and seek to find our self-worth in praise from other people (particularly our parents) and the acquisition of more money, material things, career status, popularity...The list is endless! I too am learning to "be". Yes, you are ENOUGH and you are GOOD. :)

    Sarah xx

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