Ivy dreams

Sunday, May 25, 2014

DSC_0079 Grey days are thoughtful days.  They tend to encourage lazy duvet days, movie marathons and a lot of nothing-ness. When left alone, I tend to think too much. Over-think too much. Compare. Contemplate. Plan. Then get frustrated with all of it, let time pass and do it all over again.

Last year, I came to the point where I wanted different for myself. Growing up in a traditional Indian upbringing- goals, aspirations, dreams are often made for you. You continue along with that path due to respect, tradition, a 'they know better for you' mentality.

I spent a lot of time begrudging it in college and afterwards. Thinking about how different things could have been if my upbringing was different or if somehow I had spoken up a little more.

Lately however, I am learning to be thankful for it. Although there are memories, often hard to talk about or share here, it allowed me to have certain skills, opportunities and a respected degree that will always bear my name.

Embarrassing as it is to write , it was only last year that I ever really asked myself 'what made me happy'? It was then that I went to a workshop and created a mood board when I barely even knew what that concept was.  It was a small poster of dreams and aspirations for this blog. It was a catalyst for me to grow into myself.  Last week I looked at it again and realised all of those things - love, friendship, shared meals, photography, travel- are all collected here under this little umbrella of a 'alittlebird' on the internet.

All those things that I had dreamed on a little white poster. I did.  And in the process it has created a path for a better me.

It was the first time that I didn't look to anyone for opinions on what they thought I should do or how I should do it working/training as a doctor- it just happened. The only standards I set for myself were my own.  'When the student is ready, the teacher will come' as they say.

In many ways, I feel that started with Holly and has only extended outwards from there.  There is not a moment or day that passes that I am not thankful or grateful. I struggle with expressing it because I feel that results often show more than words (the inner Indian in me).

I am now writing this when I thought I had no words to say on a Sunday evening. I am writing this now because I feel that sometimes it's nice to change pace a little bit. I am writing this because yesterday during an X-men movie I heard this line about the human characteristic that allows us the strength not to break through extraordinary amounts of hardship.

Hope.

It has saved me a hundred times over.  And I hope it encourages me/you/us to dream even bigger this year.

5 comments:

  1. Hope is such a powerful thing. You give so many people so much hope. You are an inspiration, Rincy. I think I've blubbered this to you on many occasions.

    Damn, girl. You fierce.

    xx A

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  2. You published it, and I'm so proud. You're really brave, both for writing this and for forging the path you've forged in the time I've known you. And I'm so excite to see what the next few years bring. xx

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  3. Lovely post Rincy. Looking forward to hanging out again soon.

    Big hugs

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  4. This is such a brave and beautiful post, Rincy. I remember when I first discovered your blog, I was pretty much awe-inspired by all that you have accomplished, all the dreams you realized, and all of that gave me hope. I can honestly say your story of persistence and optimism in realizing your dreams is a great influence in my life. Thank you!
    —Sabbie

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  5. Beautiful words Rincy. I try to be grateful for whatever happened, just because if it didn't happened I would be somebody else. “The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.” said Hemingway

    And the idea for moodboard is brilliant, thank you. I feel a little bit lost with million thoughts flying through my head, I totally forgot about a moodboard that I once made and that's true magically it helped to achieve what I've dreamed of.
    When you dare to dream, the dreams come true as you proof.

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